Does it make sense to say I don't feel like a Mom and homemaker. We live with my parents. It's not our home. It's not our stuff. It's not our place. It's hard to be a homemaker or stay at home Mom when it's not your home.
I want to be able to just one night leave her toys out. Just run up to give her a bath and get caught up in the fun and forget to clean up her stuff. I want to be able to just be. Have fun. Live. Not clean up after another family. I will always clean up after my kids I am sure. To a point at least. And of course always after my husband.
I just feel lost. I am not happy. When Charli isn't around or she is sleeping. The depression walls close in like crazy. Make me feel claustrophobic. When she is around... even if she is fussy... she makes me happy. Her smile can melt away all the stress... just for that moment. Then it comes crushing down again.
Two depressing posts in one day. Awesome, Nicole, Awesome.
I miss living my life. I need to get out more. Be more productive. Get my ass in shape. Maybe all of that will make me stop dwelling on what we don't have and be happy for what we do have.
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