First and foremost. I would like to say thanks for those who have/will/and do fight for our freedom. I thank those who have lost their lives to ensure our freedom. May your spirits forever live on. I will raise my children to understand the ultimate sacrifice and just how important all of you are to our lives. Today I watched a Memorial Day Concert on PBS. I made a mental note to make sure my children know the words to the Pledge of Allegiance, God Bless America, America the Beautiful, The Star Spangled Banner and I'm Proud to be an American. I bet we could go into the schools today and more than half of the students wouldn't know the words to most of those. They are the biggest pride songs ever and I feel it is important for our children to know about them and their history.
Moving on from that. It's been almost a whole month since I posted. A LOT has gone on in that time. I stopped taking my meds. I couldn't handle the side effects. They were making me beyond exhausted. I even attempted taking them at night. I mean I would be sitting playing with Charli and I would be falling asleep no matter what I did. I tried to counter them with caffeine. I tried more sleep at night. NOTHING worked. So I ultimately stopped taking them and haven't had a chance to schedule a follow up appt or anything. I am doing better some days. I mean even just the month and a half I was on them, they did help a little bit. My mom thinks I should try counseling instead of meds if I am having such problems with that medication. My only thing is... that is the kind of appt I don't want to have to take Charli to and if that's the case... I don't have the time for multiple appts. I know how important it is for me to get this handled. I definitely don't have it handled. I am past the point of being able to handle it on my own. I need to have moral support right now more than I've ever needed it. I can't do this on my own. The less support I have, the further down I go. It hurts me to know that I don't have the support I need right now. My mom still tells me I need to do it myself if I don't feel I have the support I need. Kinda defeats the purpose of EVERYTHING involved with depression. I don't like having it. I didn't ask to have it. I asked for love and support. With Charli, I have all the support I could ever have. And I am more than grateful for it. Although I don't NEED it, it's nice to be able to give myself a moment to breath sometimes and run out without her to do errands. What I NEED is to know that they are behind me. They can be there for me emotionally. They aren't. Things with Aaron have gotten to the absolute worst we have ever had in all the time we've been together. I don't feel like he is there for me emotionally. I know he is stressed too and so therefore I do try to consciously watch how I am around him and what I say to him. But when it's STILL the stuff I feel like a damn broken record over... I have officially put up a wall. I shouldn't have a wall up against my husband. We still haven't talked about it either. So therefore I'm not going to spill my guts on here about it. That wouldn't be fair to him or me. But I can say that it was so bad, we barely spoke, touched and didn't kiss for almost 2 weeks (yes he was gone for work during that time, but that's still LONG for us). I was to the point where I didn't want to see him or even talk to him. Once we talk, I'll consider letting it out on here. But it's become even more personal than it's ever been with us. Beyond me just bitching about him.....
Onto Charli news. She will be 1 in 2 weeks. HOLY SHIT. Where has the time gone????? The entire month of May has been consumed with firsts, proms, softball, a wedding and BIRTHDAY PARTY PLANNING! First and foremost... UHS SOFTBALL WON STATES! They went 21-0 for the entire season!!!! Charli is their team baby and she just adores the girls as much as they adore her. We are going to miss the seniors next year. I think we are going to have to keep team baby alive and go visit them at their college games!
Charli has been on the move like crazy. Once she started crawling, it only took her a couple days to figure out that she can get EVERYWHERE. She now follows us around the house and if we are outside. It is the cutest thing ever! This also means she is getting into everything. She is just so curious, I love watching her just go and see and look. She is also very well behaved to the point where if I say Charlotte, she usually will stop what she is doing. For the most part if we tell her no to something, she won't keep doing it. She does have one cabinet that she always tries to sneak to!
Charli has already been in some prom pictures. The softball girls did group photos and asked that Charli be in some of them. I tell you, they are so precious with her!!! She wasn't too happy that night though, we'd had a long day and she was cold. But the girls were just too excited for prom to let it bother them. They don't seem to mind if she has meltdowns. They in fact argue over who made her cry HAHA. She goes down to the after game team meeting for every game. She was even in an article in the paper about the girls winning states and Charli being team baby. She was also required to be in team photos after the games and after states. I couldn't ask for a better group of girls to be in love with her. I wish we could invite them to Charli's party... but there just isn't room :(
So we went to Houston for Amber and James' wedding last weekend. The weekend before we went, Charli started to actually pop some teeth. OF COURSE right before we are planning a big trip and long travel days on planes. Amazingly, she was a perfect angel on 3 out of 4 of our flights. The last one we had just stretched her way too thin. On the first 3 she was passed out in her seat before we even took off. She is so cute. While we were in Houston, she decided to take on stairs. She won. So now she is a stair climbing fool. And I say fool because she is fearless about it! Baby gate=purchased :)
After we got back... life got CRAZY. Softball had won regionals while we were gone, we attended the state semi finals game and then states. Daddy hadn't ever gotten past the state semi finals game with any team. He had never gone completely undefeated. They succeeded in every way this year! I ended up putting off a lot of party planning to take on some things for softball. One surprise was I made all of the girls car magnets for the bus (they didn't stick haha) of them in their positions during the year. And the other surprise they won't get to see until the team party. But I will say this... damn my dad and his procrastinating ways HAHA.
Anyways, states is over. Team party this week and then a grad party this week. Then I can fully focus on Charli's party! I can't wait for it. As it gets closer and closer, I panic. How did my beautiful precious baby girl turn into this beautiful precious fun loving toddler???? It can't possibly have been a year already. I can remember being pregnant as if it was yesterday! Now she is crawling, reallllly close to walking, has a few teeth and is just absolutely amazing in every way. So bittersweet :)
Ok, I'll leave you with some pictures over the past month. Not too many otherwise this would be a mile long post!!!!
