I have a lot to say today….

Lately life has gotten crazy.  Lots of changes and new things coming.  Charli started preschool.  We started watching Mackenzie.  We have talked about trying for another baby.  Lots of things.  MOPS starts up again soon too.  Hopefully we can get into a routine with all of this going on.  Not to mention we still have speech therapy (not for too much longer I think) and behavioral therapy (still not sure if I am comfortable with this…. more on this later).  We are now to the point where we don’t have chill days at all.  We still have to factor in family time with my parents and my in laws.  Oh and pick up and drop off Aaron!  All that said, I still can’t wait until we have more kids which = even more craziness!

I feel as though I no longer sleep.  For some reason, no matter what, I don’t feel even remotely rested.  I have taken Tylenol PM, all natural sleep aids, wine (don’t judge me LOL), tried hot showers before bed, lavender… nothing makes me feel rested.  Oh, can’t forget just good old trying to sleep without help.  I am feeling in a constant serious fog.  Like no matter what I do, I can’t get a grip.  I can’t think straight.  I have become a raging hormonal sleep deprived freak of nature bitch.  Yea, I said it.  That’s me.  As for the raging hormones.  NO FREAKING CLUE WHY.  So frustrating.  I wasn’t even this crazy right after having Charli!  Naps haven’t helped either.  ARGH.  I swear all the other issues going on aren’t being brought on by this… they are not made up….

So, lately I’ve had a lot of questioning about my parenting.  No, I don’t do anything crazy or wacky.  The big things being questioned: speech therapy, behavioral therapy and putting her into preschool.  Apparently as a stay at home mother, I shouldn’t have any issues with Charli and I should be the one schooling her.  Well, she was VERY behind in speech.  Still is slightly behind.  One reason why I wanted to put her into preschool when I found out our church offers a 2 year old class.  Another reason for preschool…. she doesn’t get a lot of interaction with other kids without me.  I think she needs it.  If I am around, she still clings to me unless they are much older kids.  So I felt this was a good decision for her.  NEVER made the preschool decision to “pawn my child off” or to even get more alone time.  The kid takes LONG naps, I got that covered.  Behavioral therapy…. apparently because “she never does that for me, she listens to me” are all good reasons for me to NOT be having behavioral issues with her that I can’t seem to get a grip on.  Well hello…. weren’t you always good for others and extra bad for your parents.  DUH.  She is completely different when it is her and I alone.  The issues aren’t there so much when Aaron is home or we are with others.  The behavior issues got pretty bad.  Something I wanted to get a handle on before we brought in an infant to watch and better yet, before we decided to have a second child.  I didn’t want to let it get so out of control that once another kid was here, we just didn’t have the time or patience.  I by NO MEANS expect any 2 year old to be a perfect angel.  She wasn’t listening to me AT ALL.  Literally would laugh in my face when I tried to discipline her.  Didn’t care if I spanked her, or put her in time out or even took things away.  Yelling just got ridiculous because she yelled back and we were seriously having fights that I fully expected… but when she was 16 not 2.  Things had finally gotten so bad that I started doing anything and everything I could to prevent major tantrums.  I was doing whatever I could to prevent these tantrums that she was hurting herself during.  Clearly, seeking help makes me a bad mom.  Charli is my first kid.  She is only 2.  I am still learning and growing as a parent.  I bet you could ask my mother, who has a 28 and 23 year old, that she is still learning and growing as a parent.  I bet my grandmother would still say the same thing too.  I am truly trying to do what is best for Charli.  She is my first priority.  I feel that once we get it under control…. most everything else will fall into place so to speak.  I definitely don’t think being a parent is going to be easy.  I don’t think I am going to be perfect at it.  But I will strive to do the best that I can, be the best I can.  The person who keeps questioning EVERYTHING I do as a mother shouldn’t be.  Not by any means.  If anyone needs help, it is them.  Anger, bitterness and hatred only hurt yourself and those around you.  Clearly that’s a nonissue.  If you aren’t happy, no one can be happy.  It should never be that way.  You should always want your family to be happy.  I’m not your family… but my family is your family.  You should want them to be happy and safe.  Always.  Remember, I make them happy.  I do all I can to keep them happy AND safe.  Therefore, I am extremely important. 

Behavioral therapy.  She told us it would be hardest on me.  That the true question was, could I do it.  Could I stay strong and hold to the discipline for my child.  Then she says that I have failed my daughter as a parent because I have not been able to stay strong with her.  Then, says to get over any guilt I have for failing my child.  Then, says… by realizing there is an issue, I am doing one of the best things I can as a parent and seeking help.  I am so completely confused.  Everywhere I turn, my parenting is being questioned.  And this, I brought on myself by bringing her into our home.  I am seriously struggling with it.  She swears we have to have an extremely strict schedule for Charli.  Not just same time for naps and bed.  But exact same time daily for waking up, eating, naps and bedtime.  We tried to explain to her that with our lives, it’s just not possible.  Our schedules change weekly depending on when we have to take and pick up Aaron.  Also, Charli now has preschool 2 days a week.  That changes things.  What happened to “never wake a sleeping child”?????  I’m sorry, if we don’t have something to do, I am NOT going to wake my child up in the morning for no reason.  My kid loves her sleep.  If she went to bed at 9 as she does every night, and wakes up at 11 instead of 930…. she CLEARLY needed the sleep for whatever reason it may be.  When she went through her growth spurt… she was down at 9pm, up at 10-11am then down for a nap at 1 and up at 4-5.  Still down again at 9pm.  I will NOT deprive my child of sleep unless we have plans.  For us, she goes for a nap and bedtime at the same time everyday.  Unless there are certain circumstances like vacation or maybe the occasional longer visit with grandparents.  I  do not think we are failing her by not waking her up at the same time daily.  When we mentioned to our therapist that we weren’t down for a strict schedule like that, she said too bad DO IT.  That is not ok with me.  You have to be willing to work with our lifestyle as well as us working with you.  Don’t just do it all by the book, adjust your learning to each family.  Not everyone fits into the same mold.  That is where I am having an issue with this therapy.  I don’t feel as though she is willing to work with our mold.  I understand it is her job to help us and that we brought her into our home.  But we would be changing her “strict schedule” at least twice a week.  Kinda defeats the purpose of a schedule, eh?!  I am just so frustrated and not really in a good place to look at this in a good way.  But, I don’t want to pull out of it because I want to help Charli and I.  I was told she would find the issue between Charli and I, get to the root of things.  I by no means feel that way.  AND, since I set up the initial appointment, of course Charli has been really good!  HAHA.  Joke is on me! 

I just need a moment.  A break.  A getaway.  I think our little family needs a nice relaxing getaway alone.  We need to be allowed to run our lives ourselves.  There are too many people involved in our lives.  Involved in our marriage.  And I don’t just mean people we talk to about things, but people who feel they have a say in all of anything.  I want to be able to be out from under everyone.  AHHHHHH. 

 

Clearly I had a lot to say today.  Four posts.  Geez.  And I never even touched on all the crazy new stuff Charli is getting into!  I guess I might have to post a fifth to update on Charli HA.  Talk about wordy!

What….3 posts in one day?!

This one will just be some pictures of late…..

Giving Zeus some love… we thought we were going to lose him.

More Zeus love… we thought for sure we’d have to put him down that day…. God answered our prayers and we didn’t have to.  He will be 13 this year!

Running around at Gravelly Point while picnicing and watching airplanes!

Attacking Daddy!!!!!

Love.

How they roll in the hotel!

Love these two!

Playing “I have two kids”

Now that my “niece” Mackenzie is two months old, I get the pleasure of watching her a couple times a week.  I LOVE IT.  I am considering this my practice for whenever we have a second baby!  Charli is so good with her!  She is at that age where she wants to help out with everything and what better way than with a baby. 

She insisted, pushed me away in fact.  She had a good deal of patience too considering Mac takes forever to eat!  My little helper!

Loving on her some Mac.

The first day we had Mackenzie… we also had our first ever Behavioral Therapy session, a speech therapy session and a shortened nap.  Lucky she didn’t riot against her HA.

The second day I had Mackenzie, it was alone.  No Aaron to help out.  I thought for sure Charli was going to have some jealousy issues since I have to give more attention to Mac.  Nope, Charli just chipped in and helped as much as a 2 year old can.  Because Mac is still portable (I can set her up in the Boppy on the floor next to us) I think it will be ok for Charli.  She did definitely try to climb all over us, but that’s too be expected.  I am sure we will run into issues later.  We just threw a ton of changes at her all at once.  Preschool, intruder (Mackenzie), behavioral therapy, MOPS again (more time away from Mommy)… this could get interesting.

This just solidifies what I’ve always wanted… tons of kids and lots of fun!

I have a preschooler.

WHAT?!  Who sends a 2 year old to preschool?  ME!  I feel that it will seriously help her speech and behavior!  Also her shyness.  Although, we have found that it’s only towards girls!  HA. 

Breakfast the morning of preschool

When did she get so big?

At school in the parking lot!

She had so much fun!  When we picked her up, she took me over the the 2 boys in her class and introduced me to them.  Then she showed me around her classroom.  My big girl is growing up!

Playing when we dropped her off!

Ahh, love this kiddo! 

 

Lord help me the day she goes to FULL TIME school!!!!!

Homemade Miyakos (Japanese Hibachi Style Yummy-ness)

So, I found a recipe on Pinterest for YumYum Sauce  and got the bright idea to try a homemade Japanese Hibachi-style dinner.  It turned out A.W.E.S.O.M.E.  I don’t even say that because I closed the night with wine.  I say that because it was amazeballs.  My 2 year old daughter gobbled it up.  My husband gobbled it up and even my neighbor gobbled it up.  I also happened to gobble it up. 

Chopping up the veggies

Oh, we didn’t eat her for dinner… but the cutest 2 year old EVER. (tell me this isn’t a total look into the future… she looks SO OLD)

The mushrooms, squash, zucchini and carrots all chopped up

The soup (amazing)

The rice… I half cheated and found a recipe for the fried rice in the rice cooker… I swear it’s under there!!!!

The final countdown…. I mean- the end result!  AMAZEBALLS. (also……)

I was shocked at how good it turned out.  It wasn’t all that hard either.  I did NO hibachi skilled tricks.  Blood would have been shed!  It was seriously soooooooo good!!!! 

The recipes are all linked in the descriptions below the pictures!  I ended up using our griddle for the steak and shrimp.  Probably could have used it for the veggies too, but I’m a little too OCD to really allow that to happen.  I needed a skillet with sides and easier clean-up.  I realized with the steak that the griddle was tilted downwards so it made it harder to keep the seasonings on it.  So I decided to just throw all the butter, oil and soy sauce into a bowl with the shrimps and let them sit.  Then I threw the whole bowl onto the griddle.  It worked perfectly!  I also threw a bag of mixed veggies into the rice instead of just corn.  We had planned on adding an egg to make it a true fried rice dish… but forgot.  I also forgot to refrigerate the YumYum sauce overnight.  It ended up being a few hours.  Came out perfectly also.  I plan on making this at least once a month.  It was amazing.  I loved it.  Everyone loved it.  They kept telling me!  Try it.  You will love it!

PS.  The hubs made some awesome homemade bread to go with dinner tonight.  He was upset that I didn't give him a shout out.  I said I was sorry, but I was so focused on the actual Miyakos style dinner.  But really... his bread is always awesome.  He is the baker no doubt.  This bread was french bread with some Italian Seasoning in it.  YUMMMMMMMY.

What’s for dinner?

So, I finally cooked something.  I swear it’s been about 2 weeks.  Something just always comes up and we either go out with my parents or they invite us over for dinner.  Oh, Aaron made dinner a couple times while he was home too.  It has been nice.  As much as I love to cook, I just haven’t been in the mood.  So I decided to try a Pinterest recipe! 

Garlic Chicken Puffs with a few of my own tweaks!  I added in some peas and some grated colby jack cheese.  They ended up being really runny while putting them together, but once they cooked they weren’t.  They were delicious.  Charli even ate them as is.  She never eats anything like that without it having to be cut up! 

 

I should have gotten a picture of Charli eating them!  Sorry, I was trying to Skype with Aaron during dinner!  Stupid internet where he was didn’t want us to :(

 

So, we finally set up an appointment with the Behavioral Specialist for Charli… you damn well know she’s been a freaking angel since!  WTF.  So frustrating.  Very nice to have her behaving and listening to me… but still frustrating.  Hopefully we can get a grip on it.  She has been ridiculous before Aaron left on this trip.  It is to the point where when she is having a temper tantrum… I fear for her safety.  The little shit gave herself a black eye while throwing a tantrum in her crib.  I so want to transition her completely out of her crib, but until we can get this taken I am not comfortable with that.  It is the only safe place in the house to put her when throwing a fit.  Well safest.  ARGHHHH.  A lot of changes coming for her soon.  Baby in the house (not mine) and preschool.  Shiiii about to get crazayyyy!

My baby’s big girl room….

I guess it’s time to admit my baby is really no longer a baby.  She is over 2 years old!  We finally finished off the dresser for her room and set it up.  We had planned on finishing off the babyproofing, setting it up as a big girl room but waiting for this coming weekend to transition her to a big girl bed.  Well, we had put the mattress on the floor to decide where we wanted the bed to go and move the other stuff around accordingly.  We decided to leave it there in hopes to get her used to it being there and it not be such a shock when we put her in it to sleep.  HA.  Shock her, apparently not.  Shock us, YES.  She decided tonight at bedtime that she wanted to sleep on the mattress.  She laid down and got all excited so we decided to allow it.  Mind you, Aaron has to go to work tomorrow and Charli and I are going out of town for a couple days, so I didn’t think it would be a good idea to start tonight.  She has been in bed for an hour and a half.  Yes, she has moved around (thankfully the mattress is only a couple inches thick) and just might end up on the floor.  But not a peep and she didn’t once move to get up at all!  MY BABY IS GROWING UP!! 

    

The work to get to the final project

My cutie bug!!

The final dresser project!

It took a couple days longer than I had expected.  But we LOVE it.  Charli kept touching it and saying ‘Peettttyy Mommy!”

I didn’t expect it to feel this way….

So, I just didn’t expect it to feel this way at all.  I’m not sure why I didn’t see this coming.  Whenever you deal with a loss no matter how early it is, you should grieve.  I never did.  Even the day it happened I tried to ignore it and go on with my day acting as if nothing was going on, even though I was in a lot of pain.  For some reason I felt as if I was being punished so I had to just deal with the pain.  Like I must have done something wrong to have had this happen.  Right after it happened, I acted as if nothing went on and it wasn’t a big deal.  I even waited to go to the doctor.  It keeps blindsiding me.  Every time someone else announces their pregnancy, I get depressed.  I am so happy for them but the sadness and depression just creeps in and all the what ifs go through my head. 

I knew from the moment I got pregnant that I was.  This was during softball and all of the girls had figured it out too.  As well as most of the other coaches (even Daddy even though I tried to hide it).  I was so sick all of the time.  Crazy nauseous and dry heaving ALL THE TIME.  I mean all the time.  It was bad.  Charli was constantly worried when I would have to run to the bathroom to dry heave.  I felt so bad.  She would cry sometimes even though I tried to play it off.  Right about the time that most people find out, I miscarried.  I tried to act like since it was SO early on that it didn’t bother me.  It can be a blessing and a curse when you are so in tune with your body.  On one hand, it helps out when I go to the doctor and such.  But when I am in pain or things like that, it sucks.  This sucked big time.  I miss being pregnant.  I’ve been looking back at pictures of when I was pregnant with Charli.  I miss that big ole belly.  I miss feeling a baby moving around inside of me.  I know God has a plan and someway somehow this was a part of it. 

This happened in April.  I keep thinking about how far along I would be…. I would have been around 22 weeks pregnant now.  We would have just recently found out what we were having.  We would have been due around Thanksgiving.  God give me the strength at that time to be able to handle this.  I didn’t really think I would ever put this out there like this… but I am hoping it will be a step in the right direction for dealing with it.

Freezer Meals!!!!

So I finally broke down and tried out the freezer meal method!!!!  I LOVE IT!  I decided to use a good deal of our stock of chicken and pork!  So therefore all the ingredients I ended up needing cost me about 90 bucks!  I ended up with 16-18 dinners (some can be split again depending on how hungry we end up being) and lots of breakfasts!  The day I did it, I also ended up cooking dinner and put half of that away to freeze!  Tonight I also did that and will tomorrow (hopefully).  The bulk of the cooking was done in one day though.  I started at about 1030 in the morning and didn’t finish until around 7ish.  That wasn’t straight through though.  I took a couple little breaks like for lunch and dinner and just to sit down for a minute (to read 50 Shades of Grey!!).  I made a few things that required shredded chicken so I threw a bunch into a crockpot and let that do its magic while I got on other stuff.  I ended up making Skillet Lasagna (was supposed to be Lasagna Roll-ups but let’s just leave it at regular lasagna noodles and I DON’T get along… it was ugly), Egg Muffins (amazeballs!!!!!), Key West Chicken, Crispy Southwest Chicken Wraps (I tweaked it some), Hawaiian Meatballs, Kalua Pork (I pulled the pork and then added the stuff to it), Colorado Chicken Chili (From Don’t Panic- Dinner’s in the Freezer), Hawaiian Chicken (also from Don’t Panic-Dinner’s in the Freezer), regular pulled pork, and Breakfast Burrito (from the same book).  I highly suggest the book!  I can’t wait to get the second edition too!  I also can’t wait to cook a lot more of the recipes!!!!!  All I wanted was to be able to spend more time with my family during the summer and not all in the kitchen!  Mission accomplished!

The Breakfast Burritos!

A good part of the haul….

The Colorado Chicken Chili (with black beans instead of Northern Beans because I forgot to buy them and had the black beans!)  Reminds me of Tortilla Soup now!

So far we’ve tried a couple things and have LOVED everything!  I can’t wait until Fall/Winter to do a lot more soups and chilis!!!!!

I now have a 2 year old!

How in the world did that happen?  Tomorrow she will actually be 2 years old and 1 month.  So clearly I’m a little behind on this blog!  I can’t believe Charli is truly 2 now.  And 2 in every way!  I think she had a blast on her birthday! 

We don’t know why, but she woke up acting very strange on her actual birthday.  By the end of the day she seemed alright! 

By the end of the night she was in better spirits and loving her birthday gifts of sunglasses, a big girl pillow for her crib and I believe coloring books! 

Charli’s party was airplane themed!  CharliAir… where everyone flies first class!! We had an absolute blast!  We only had a few kiddos come so it made it really easy to just let them run free in the backyard with the sandbox and baby pool!  Man was there a lot of sand in that pool HAHA.  LOVED it.  Made me realize I love my house being full of kids!  Beware, hubby!

 

Having a two year old is a whole new experience.  It is as if she changed overnight!  Now she is even more independent and opinionated.  I LOVE IT.  We butt heads but really, that’s to be expected!  She has blossomed like crazy lately.  She has SOOOOO many words and phrases and gestures and quite the little personality.  We dog sat for a friend and she just benefited like you wouldn’t believe by having their awesome dog here!  If only we were allowed to have a dog or cat at our house (the only rule for us!!)  Her speech therapist even said she would seriously benefit from having a dog.  Hmmm, how to work on that one…

We tried potty training a couple times.  It didn’t quite go as planned.  I won’t push it with her though because she is such a hardheaded stubborn ornery child.  She will do it on her own when she is ready.  She is just that kind of kid.  I got told today that it’s amazing I can see that because most parents don’t get that and get so frustrated and make the whole experience that much harder.  That made me feel really good.  That means I have a pretty good understanding of Charli… as if you can ever say that of a parent HAHA. 

Everyday her little personality just shows more and more and more.  I wake up and can’t wait to see what is new with her now!  Just today she started calling me Mommy instead of Momma… it ages her.  It is so cute though.  My little baby girl is growing up way too fast!

Homemade Bread and Quinoa Mac and Cheese!

So I tried to make homemade bread shortly after we moved into this new house.  It halfway came out…. it tasted good but was pretty dense.  It was for broccoli cheese soup, so it being dense worked.  After that, I’ve been a little afraid to try making it again.  So came the time to try a different soup and I really wanted to try homemade bread again.  I totally copped out though and gave Aaron the recipe and asked him to make it while I was out running errands.  He did awesome!!!  I got home and he’d made not ONE but TWO awesome round loaves of french bread!!!!  And they tasted AWESOME!  So he is in charge of making the bread until I get brave enough to myself!  Here is the recipe he used…  It is just heavenly.  I ate an entire loaf in one day pretty much by myself!  I would warm it up in the microwave and put a little peanut butter or nutella on it and it soaked it up like a sponge!  So yummmmy.  We are considering switching over to not buying store bread and bake our own!  Let’s see how it keeps going!

We also decided to try making some quinoa.  Charli is in LOVE with rice so I figured since quinoa is a lot like rice consistency wise it would be a go.  I found this recipe for Quinoa Mac & Cheese and decided it would be a perfect way to try it out.  It was a big hit!  It was practically gone before I even sat down to eat mine!  It was VERY messy though!  Definitely a eatoutonthedeck kind of food :) 

I am loving finding all these new recipes on Pinterest and trying them out!  Soon I’ll be working on some crafts I found on Pinterest too since it’s almost Charli’s 2nd birthday!

Cloud Dough…

I found this awesome recipe for Cloud Dough here off pinterest.  I decided to go ahead and try making it.  I figured I could get a cute little container from Walmart that I could close and not worry too much about it.  SCORE!  It was a big hit!  AND it was easy clean up!  I just brushed it off Charli’s clothes and legs and washed her hands!  Awesome.  I also got a few toys to play in it (can also be used in a sandbox at a later date).

She loved it.  It might be the toy that kept her the most occupied yet!  I was a little OCD with the clean up…. notice how clean she still is.  THEN Aaron came home and just a few minutes ago this is what I got….

She is a mess from head to toe after playing with Aaron.  But as he said… SHE HAD FUN!  Clearly he did to.  When I went to take pictures, he was the one playing the most HAHA.  How cute. 

This was so cheap and so easy to make.  I won’t lie, I got in on the fun with Charli too!  I won’t be breaking the bank every time I have to replenish the supply.  And since we have hardwood floors, I could actually allow her to play with it in the house if it was rainy out.  SCORE again.

Panic Attacks….and a few good recipes!

This moving stuff is for the birds.  I am so stressed out and overwhelmed.  I can’t even make a decision on ANYTHING without getting all freaked out!  It’s driving me nuts!  I am so ready to feel more settled and calm!  We got the kitchen painted!  It looks AMAZING so far!  It’s not quite finished but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the color!  I may actually end up painting our bedroom that color too! 

                                        

I LOVE IT!  I can’t wait to have the island cart we picked out too!  That will come after softball season.  Life is just too crazy right now.  I can’t even figure out a time to go buy groceries!  We also got the living room area more set up so it feels less chaotic in there! 

                               

                               

It looks good!  So in the midst of all of this, I’ve been trying some new recipes and hoping they are good!!!  I have never made bread before.  I am by NO MEANS a baker.  I almost always mess it up.  I am a great cook though.  I decided to try making some french bread from scratch… not using a bread machine.  It came out a little dense… but we were using it for dipping in some soup so it was ok.  The taste was pretty good if I do say so myself!  Here is the recipe I used.  I made Broccoli Cheddar Soup to go with it but I wasn’t too impressed with it.  I don’t know if its because I put too much pepper in it or what, I thought it was kinda bland still.  So I won’t share that recipe. 

Tonight we tried yet another recipe.  Creamy chicken and artichoke lasagna… it was SOOOOOOOO good!  I will definitely make it again.  It will more than likely be my dinner again tomorrow night :)

 

So onto Charli… she is doing really well with the move!  She only seems to have issues when she leaves family now.  But I am sure it shall soon pass.  She is starting to talk a lot. Well repeat a lot.  If I tell her to say something… she is at least trying to say something along the lines of the word.  I am so proud of her.  We still need to work on playing with other kids.  Since we had all had the norovirus, she’s barely had any time with other kids!  I need to change that!  Softball is just making me a little bit crazy along with everything else going on! 

WE GOT A DATE!!!!

So the day has finally come….. we got a date for closing!  WOOOOHOOO.  One week from TOMORROW!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!  I can’t freaking wait!  Let the packing begin. 

 

So, on another note.  I get to start trying out more and more recipes from Pinterest as well as DIY stuff.  I’m going to try to post how they go on here!  It should be fun! 

 

To start off with, I tried this recipe I found on Pinterest…. http://www.plainchicken.com/2012/01/slow-cooker-cream-cheese-chicken-chili.html It was amazing.  It has hardly any spices in it but it doesn’t come out bland!  It was so quick and easy to make!  LOVED IT.  Definitely a winner in our house!

Today was crappy…..

Pun intended.  LOL.  Charli went down for a nap and slept a LOONG time…. when she got up, I went to get her.  Well for some reason she sometimes won’t get out of her crib.  She wants to sit and play.  So today I said OK Mommy will go back downstairs, you let me know when you want out.  So I went downstairs and let her hang out in her crib.  About a half hour later my mom gets home and is like.. Umm where’s Charli.  So I said maybe you can get her out… we walk upstairs and are assaulted by the stench… (ok maybe slightly dramatic…) and walk into her room only to find her bed covered in crap.  The sheets, the pillow pet, her blanket and her beloved Violet.  How do you clean something like Violet and not be grossed out every time you see it again…. I’ll get back to you on that.  So anyways, my mother tried to duck out… nice try.  LOL.  We got the bath going and ended up spraying her off.  She started to have more of a diaper rash this time so we put more cream on it.  Cleaning up wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be… it was pretty contained (or soaked in I guess).  Got the laundry started and we went ahead for our walk as planned.  After we got home, Charli got rice for dinner and a banana.  This shit (pun intended) needs to stop!  So it happens again and when I go to change her, you would think I was murdering her.  Well her cute little tushy was practically covered in a blood red rash.  My poor baby.  Tomorrow I won’t be using wipes and just using a warm washcloth.  Besides the diapers sucking and being near out of rash cream ( same tube since birth…) I had to make an emergency trip to Walmart for new diapers (hopefully they contain more) that move when she moves and with her… not stay in one place while she moves in another!  I got Charli some more bananas, some banana cookies, banana chips and another kind of diaper rash cream.  Tomorrow I’ll be calling the dr.  It’s been a week and a half of two different (I think) viruses and my poor kiddo’s body deserves a rest. 

 

On one hand I can’t complain about how pathetic Charli has been lately.  By pathetic I mean cuddly and clingy.  It’s gotten really bad though.  All she wants to do is sit on my lap or have me hold her.  She is constantly curling up on my shoulder too.  I don’t say it’s bad as in I’m sick of it… I say it’s bad as in it means something is really going on for her to be like this.  I love the cuddling but want my baby girl to feel better.  Hopefully we can get some answers tomorrow!  Hopefully next week we can go back to living our lives… besides life is about to get SUPER crazy.  Softball starts in one week from today and HOPEFULLY tomorrow (or early next week) we get a closing date for our house!

 

I’d leave you with some pictures… but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you probably don’t want any of the pictures I took today (Aaron misses out on this shit… BAHAHA…. so I figure even stuff like this, deserves pictures for him!!!)

Sick to death…..

Ok ok the title is a LITTLE dramatic.  Our house has had a stomach bug since Valentine’s Day.  It all started with Charli of all people   We are thinking she got it from someone in MOPS on Monday!  Tuesday she was overly cuddly and just wanting to chill and cling to me.  As in she wanted me to carry her EVERYWHERE and she would curl into me and lay her head on my shoulder.  That doesn’t happen unless my little bug is sick or tired.  We ended up going to my in laws for dinner (like every Tuesday) and everything seemed normal with her besides the cuddling.  She ate dinner like normal (breakfast for dinner YUM) and still seemed fine.  Probably an hour after dinner, as we were getting things together to go home, she puked (on the heating vent no less..EWW).  Everyone insisted it was because dinner didn’t sit.  I knew something was up.  I was worried.  Well as soon as we got her cleaned up (who am I kidding… my MIL cleaned her up!) we got her in the car and on the road we went.  They only live about ten minutes away… well not even halfway home… EXORCISM style puking going on in the backseat.  I felt sooooooooo bad for her.  There was no stopping it, there was no where for it to go since it was coming so fast and so much, we were in the car and she kept half inhaling/choking on it.  I was yelling at Aaron to pull over because she was choking.  We got pulled over and HA to anyone who makes fun of me for being over prepared… I had EVERYTHING in the car we needed to clean her up and even clean up the car.  We actually got just about all of it cleaned up… stripped her down and covered her in blankets.  Once we got home, we cleaned her off a little bit more and BLAH she threw up ON ME.  This time though it was just liquid.  Pooooor kiddo.  I was freaking out by this point.  My poor baby hadn’t ever been sick like this before.  She has actually been extremely healthy since birth!  (BTW sooooo thankful for that) Sleeping arrangements became an issue that night… I just kept imagining her suffocating on her puke in the night.  So ultimately Aaron ended up sleeping on the recliner in her room and I slept in our bed with the monitor on all the way high so if she did throw up again I could at least run in there and help out.  She only got sick 2 more times in bed thankfully.  The next morning she was so tired and clingy and just blah.  Thankfully, no more throwing up and nothing from the other end!  Then started all the fun… I took Aaron to work Thursday morning and went from DCA to IAD to get my mom who had been out on business.  On the way home my mom asked what we wanted for lunch… Charli still wasn’t eating normal so it was just my mom and I.  My first clue should have been that I flat out said I wasn’t feeling Chik Fil A at all….. we ended up getting Firehouse… it took me 2 hours to eat it. Then it slammed me hard… I felt like someone had drilled into my joints and stuck expanders in them.  I had a slight fever and was just beyond tired.  I had a coaches meeting that night and afterwards I threw up a few times and asked my mom to watch Charli so I could go to bed.  Thankfully she has no problem with that.  Then later that night when I woke up, I begged my mom to stay home on Friday so she could watch Charli.  I couldn’t begin to figure out how I was going to take care of her when I was so sick.  The last time I caught a stomach bug I was in FIFTH grade…. yea… Welll…. she didn’t stay home… an hour after Charli and I got up… I called my mom crying.  I was a mess.  She said she’d come home for lunch lol.  Gotta love Mom’s!  Long story short… I survived (barely I swear…) then my mom got it!  Of course I took as good of care of her as I could and keep Charli away from her… then Saturday night I had to go get Aaron from work.  He said he’d had some symptoms of said stomach bug (I’m sure you can figure them out since I’m not mentioning puking…) so I was a little worried.  We were supposed to go to Jersey for Kelly’s baby shower on Sunday!  Well, we didn’t make it to Jerz.  Aaron ended up sleeping most of the day (lucky guy… he barely got sick!) on Sunday and now today on Monday… all is well.  My Dad doesn’t feel well today though…. Hopefully it doesn’t go back through the house! 

 

A FAMILY THAT GETS SICK TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER…. BLAHHHH.

 

Now that I have my first real kid sickness under my belt as a Mom… I hope it doesn’t happen again.. Yea Yea I know… it will….. maybe I’ll get lucky like my mom and not have pukey kids!  We just never caught things like that!  Even if my Dad had it in the house! 

 

Hopefully this isn’t too TMI

Just keep running……

So, got new running shoes.  WOOHOO.  Used them once so far to actually run.  Did two workouts with them but only one involved running.  I haven’t done any workouts since Thursday…. Friday and Saturday I just literally ran out of time.  So today I am planning on doubling up.  One of my running workouts with a half an hour of walking following it.  If I can get my nice warm butt out of the house.  Its practically in the single digits today and WINDY.  NOT FUN. 

Well I started this post HOURS ago.  I ended up not working out today.  I started to feel feverish and dizzy.  So I decided I would be better off not running.  I’d rather not pass out or get sick at the gym.  I ended up taking a 2 hour nap and then going to get Aaron from the airport. 

 

I will be working out like triple time tomorrow. We got a jogging stroller from a friend and need to test it out… too bad that part won’t happen for a while as it’s FREEZING this week!  Until I can figure out what brand this stroller is and how to get some accessories for it such as a wind blocker/warm thing. 

 

Hopefully we find out this week about closing.  That is basically all we are waiting on now.  We want our own place so bad its ridiculous.  AHHHHH. 

 

Ok, I have MOPS in the morning and then working out so I better get my butt in bed since I didn’t feel too hot today.

Let’s do this :)

So, it’s official.  Aaron and I are signed up for a 5k.  AHHHHHH.  We are doing the Cupcake Run on April 15th!  YAY.  After talking to a friend about losing baby weight and how hard it can be to get motivated… I decided I needed to do something drastic.  Sign my fat ass up for a 5k.  Can’t take it back now!  NONREFUNDABLE!  My friend had introduced me to this program to get you running in 2 months called Couch25k.  Well, the race is in 67 days from today.  This program will have me finishing it like the day OF the race.  Talk about being nuts!  I am so excited for it though.  We started the program today… Aaron had no problem finishing todays workout… I on the other hand struggled.  I couldn’t breathe and we didn’t know where my inhaler was so I wasn’t going to push myself into a full fledged asthma attack.  As it was, until we found my inhaler 10 hours later… my chest was still super tight and I was wheezing.  So now that 2 inhalers have been located… I can knock myself out on Thursday… Week1Day2.  This should be interesting.  So we had to go get ourselves good supportive running shoes today.  We got fitted for them!  Woohoo.  The poor guy probably thinks I am a nutso LOL.  Also, a friend of mine is giving us a free jogging stroller.  We are so blessed!  I woke up this morning with a new view on everything (the all natural sleep aid may have helped too LOL). 

 

Hopefully this is the last month that we live with my parents… so far it’s not looking too hot for that since we still haven’t heard ANYTHING about closing.  AHHH.  So frustrating.

Blessings….

Sometimes you just have to sit back and count your blessings.  Make your chat with God a little bit different that day.  Every day I chat with the Big Guy. It’s not something I grew up doing… but as I have grown up, I have learned to rely more on Him and talk to Him more often and as he is a friend so to speak.  I have a running convo going on with Him regularly since we found out I was pregnant with Charli bug.  When Aaron and I had started talking kids… we both decided we wanted our kids to know God.  To be comfortable with him.  That meant I had to become more comfortable with him.  I am still working on it.  Privately, I have NO problem.  Publicly, I struggle.  It is not a secret that I believe in God.  It is not a secret that I trust in Him.  Where I struggle is actually talking to others about God.  Some people can just come out and be like “yea, last night was really rough but I talked to God and he let me know it was going to be all ok and that he had a reason for everything”… I can’t do that yet.  I don’t know why, but I can’t… not yet.  I am trying to work on that. 

 

So there is a reason for that little paragraph.  Lately, life has just flat out sucked.  To a point.  Every aspect of my life has kinda sucked except for Charli.  Every day I am able to put a smile on my face and mean it.  Charli just has a way to be able to make me smile and laugh.  She is hilarious and quite the nutcase!  I love it!  Lately she is getting more and more adventurous (and oblivious).  So yesterday was quite the special day… we went to DCA to visit Aaron for the day.  The drive down wasn’t bad at all.  We picked Aaron up at the hotel and he drove us to Pentagon City Mall to park and take the Metro into DC.  I am NOT a fan of the Metro in any way.  They skeeve me out, freak me out and just BLECH.  Well we got on and were on our way… Charli loved it… I had a couple little anxiety attacks and tears followed. 

                                        

We fairly quickly got to the Smithsonian stop.  We went straight to the National Mall for some pictures (I may be obsessed with pictures)

                      

We were planning on going to the Air and Space Museum… we figured Charli would love it.  Let me start by saying she hadn’t napped on the way down so a nap wasn’t going to happen unless she fell asleep in the stroller…. bahahaha fuuuunnnny.  Definitely didn’t happen.  But she was fairly entertained so it worked out.  We basically let her do anything she wanted as to fend off a temper tantrum.  So we spent a couple hours there and then decided to head back and get dinner at Pentagon Row.  We were so stupid getting on the metro at 430-5… it was packed.  But somehow I managed to not have an anxiety attack… I was petrified that we wouldn’t be able to get off at our stop though.  It wasn’t an issue thankfully.  So on to the fun part… we tried to go to an Irish Pub but again… wrong time.  Happy Hour=crazy.  We went to Chammps!  Food was awesome.  Charli decided to all out choke.  I mean like stopped breathing-look of absolute fear on her face.  I grabbed her out of her high chair and just as I was going to lean her forward she got it out.  THANK GOD.  So my anxiety was just about to completely bubble over the top.  (This is where the whole first paragraph of this comes into play).  I started to pray REALLY hard for God to bring me some calm.  I needed Him to relax me enough to eat and enjoy my family time.  So we finished up dinner and went out to the promenade to hang out.  Charli say and watched the ice skating rink and we followed/watched her.  She was so cute just exploring and having freedom.  So moving on… Aaron was sitting on the concrete bench they have surrounding the landscaping… I was sitting on the concrete bench surrounding the fountain (wasn’t on).  Charli was going in between us just being silly.  So one time she goes to head towards me.. she starts running… she ends up TRIPPING and going mouth first into the concrete bench with her mouth open.  Momma mode stepped in and I grabbed her up so fast after she slammed her mouth into the concrete.  I freaked and just held her as she screamed.  I gave her a second and pulled her back from me so we could survey the damage…. considering how bad it was and how HORRIBlE it sounded, I figured we’d end up in the ER and have broken/missing teeth and a gorefest.  Nope.  She barely had a tiny cut on her lip… a scrape really.  A very little bit of blood.  Aaron took her from me so I could check her out more and he could calm her some more (I was starting to completely lose it).  I immediately asked God… um for real… I asked for CALM not chaos.  I figure he is doing this to test me in some way.  Use me as a pawn.. my marriage.. but not Charli.  Anyways.  So I eventually took her back and wouldn’t let her go.  I want to put my kid in a bubble!  AHHHHHH.  This running conversation with God is going to be a long long long one   Specially since today she tried to do gymnastics OFF the recliner and into the piano later and then almost fly off the couch backwards… BUBBLE!

All in all.  No matter what is going on… I wouldn’t change anything just because I wouldn’t have the best blessing ever… Charli.  I was put on this earth to be her mother.  That is something I truly feel in my heart.

It feels like it is all closing in on me….

I am so sick of this feeling.  Like everything is just going to crush me.  Fall in on me.  Consume me.  Nothing seems to work.  Talking, getting away, reading, getting lost in the computer…NOTHING.  I just want things back to the way they were.  At this current moment I don’t see how that will ever happen. 

My frustration with Charli is just hitting an all time high.  95% of the time everything is perfect and great with her.  But her temper tantrums are reserved for me… her fussiness is reserved for me… her talking is reserved for EVERYONE ELSE.  She won’t talk for me…. if I try to make her talk and push her to do it… she walks away from me.  Anyone else, she will usually say it at least once.  It is so frustrating.  But I do at least know it is because she is with me all the time and that she feels she doesn’t have to perform for me.  At least my child is smart enough to know she doesn’t have to perform for me in order for me to still love her.  I have done something right there at least.  I am starting to kind of feel like teaching her some baby signs, while it does lessen her frustration at not being able to communicate some, that she is just going to rely on that solely right now.  She is so quiet!  It is almost like my child is a mute.  How did I of all people birth a mute LOL.  No matter everything going on with her and her frustrations and not talking… I love this kid more than life.  I will do anything for her.  I love watching her grow and change and seeing her cute little faces.  I really should do a collage and call it the Many Faces of Charli…. she is a nut. 

I read this book called Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Piccoult this weekend.  I figured reading some books on marriage and life and it all falling apart, would help me.  It didn’t.  It made things worse I think.  I can sum it all up in one word how my life is right now.  BLECH.  AHHHHHH. 

Here are a couple pics from our trip to NY

We got over a foot of snow while we were there!