The past two weeks!!!!

So we finally got back to Maryland yesterday!  We have been gone since the 21st!  It has been crazy!  But thankfully I can say that Charli was an AMAZING traveler!  

On that Thursday we went to Cambridge Springs, PA to visit my childhood BFF.  We haven't seen each other in 9 years.  Since that time, we have both gotten married and she had two kids and I had one.  It was a very special awesome visit!  We got there around dinner and then left the next morning.  Well unfortunately they don't have AC and this was during the East Coast heat wave.  The bedroom we were in was almost 100 degrees that night.  To say the least... Charli wouldn't sleep (we also found out the next day she cut a tooth) and therefore we didn't sleep.  Aaron also didn't sleep because of the heat.  I made him go sleep on the couch in the only room that has a window AC unit.  He wasn't happy with me.  But I am the only one who can handle her when she is like that and one of us had to get sleep and clearly taking care of her meant I wasn't getting sleep.  The next day was special to say the least.  But we did make it to Michigan no problem.  Charli not sleeping that night also meant she slept almost the ENTIRE way to MI.  

We went to visit Papa.  He is in a nursing home type place to transition him back to his house after his surgery.  I didn't realize it was a nursing home.  Did I mention I am PETRIFIED of them.  Scared to death.  Thankfully this place definitely doesn't look like it (or smell like it).  It was gorgeous!  Every different hallway and wing had a totally different theme and was decorated as if it was a 5 star hotel!  Most of the staff was amazing.  I had an issue with a bitchy nurse who didn't want to do her job.  I spoke to someone about her.  Don't mess with my family or treat anyone the way she did.  Anyways.  So we went and visited Papa every day we were in MI.  She was a perfect angel every time we went!  I was amazed.  We even got her to take a few naps there!  I was even able to handle her alone when Aaron ended up leaving for work!  

I was so nervous going into this trip.  Usually Charli can be a difficult kid and doesn't go to anyone else.  She can also be VERY stubborn (like her Dad) and throw temper tantrums (like who knows?!) when she doesn't get her way.  I fully believe she picked up on my anxiety and stress and decided to be the total polar opposite of her normal self.  OK... that makes it sound like she is a terror to live with.  I don't mean it like that.  But she can be very difficult and a situation like we were in could have been a horror story.  I told her every day I was so proud of her and loved her to pieces.  Now normally I tell her I love her about UMMMM 5 million times a day (even when she's screaming her brains out).  On this trip it was probably tripled!  She even cuddled me a lot more than normal.  She is my precious angel!   

So I am glad to report that from the day we got there to the day we left, Papa improved a whole heck of a lot!  We were told it was because Charli and I came.  I would love to believe that.  Every day he just looked better and better and stronger and stronger!  It was still hard to see him in the state he was.  He had a feeding tube a lot and oxygen the whole time.  Not to mention his neck collar he has to wear all the time since his surgery.  To me, Papa has always been so strong and big and tan.  He was so frail looking and pasty white!  It was more stressful than I ever realized it would be!  

There is just too much I want to say in here and type out.  But it's too personal and I think it would hurt more than help.  I feel like it would be therapeutic and maybe a good kick in the ass.  But I'll be good and not put it all out there.  Just please pray for all involved. 

So on another note... as soon as we got home we found out that Aaron's car has crapped out.  Over 4000 dollars in work.  Negative.  We will be a one car family until we find something.  Thankfully we have already found a possibility but are waiting to see if they will be allowed to sell it to us.  Considering we can only afford 150 a month for payments and no down payment... we may just be the luckiest people ever if we get this vehicle.  Fingers crossed.  

Anyways.  I'll leave here with some pictures from the trip.  All in all... even though it was crazy stressful.  It was good.  

 Charli during most of the traveling :)

 Aaron with Abby and Ronnie

 My BFF and her daughter Abby

 Replicating a picture of me with Charli <3

 Charli sleeping through a crazy storm!

 visiting Nana's grave!

 Nana and I and then Charli and I

 Me as a kid, Charli :)

 last day with Papa

 leaving flowers for Nana on our way out of MI

 Papa Nana and I

crazy times coming up......

I so feel like a crazy person on a regular basis.  Today I had a babyless day and I got nothing accomplished.  It's not like I just sat around and did nothing... I just didn't get anything done.  Tomorrow I have SO MUCH to do.  

We leave for Michigan via PA on Thursday morning-ish.  In order to break up our trip (since Charli isn't that great in the car) we are stopping for the night at my friend Jackie's house in PA.  I haven't seen her in 9 year.  It was 11 before that!  She has been my best friend since I was 4!  In the 9 years since we saw eachother... she got married and had two kids and I got married and have one kid!  There will be A LOT of introductions going on Thursday!  I cannot wait!  Aaron is not really looking forward to this trip at all.  It means he is traveling a lot.  I did promise to drive a lot though!  

We are going to Michigan to visit my Papa.  I don't know how I am going to handle this honestly.  He at least won't be in the hospital anymore, just a rehab center.  I am not used to ever seeing him not my big strong strapping Papa.  It is definitely going to throw me for a loop.  My emotions are already so all over the place.  AHHH.  Aaron will only be there for the first two days and then the last two days we'll be there (he is going to work from Michigan).  So I'll be relying on myself to be strong enough for Charli and I to handle this.  Something I definitely don't have in me right now.  I wish Aaron could be there but at least he will be there to help me on the drive.  

Something else that's going to make visiting Papa harder is that his sister in law just died from basically the same cancer he has.  They discovered it almost the same way too.  It just makes it that much harder.  And I wish I could be there for my cousin but we leave that same day.  

We have some pictures of me from Papa's house when I was a baby.  I am hoping to get the same idea of pictures of Charli!  Hopefully she is good and lets me do some photo shoots.  And hopefully I get the hang of my camera and take great pictures.  I am hoping they can be her one year photos!!!!  

Ok well since tomorrow is going to be such a busy day.... I better get to bed!  No pictures in this post! 

New CAMERA!!!!!

So both Aaron and I's camera's were starting to act all wonky.  Mine is 5 years old and Aaron's is 4.  To me that doesn't seem old... but considering how much I use BOTH of them... I am not really surprised.  They are going to start getting a good break!  We bought a new Nikon D5000 :)  I am SOOOO excited.  In the first 2 days I had it I took over 600 pictures.  Lots of playing around with the different scenes and all.  Only got about 5 good pictures out of it! HAHA.  I need to find some classes.  I know they are offered.  I just don't know where.  

Well I need to go to bed... Here are a few pictures from the new CAMERA :)

 asleep on the way home from getting the new camera!

 so cute

 loving on Momma

 beautiful... even with food on her face ;)

 playin with Aunt Kell!

 my loves

 lovin on Scooter!

so fast, she was blurry!

serenity......

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

I need those more than you will ever understand right now.  Just when I think things are getting better here at home, BAM smack me in the face and throw me to the ground.  I can honestly say I think the relationship with my mother is beyond repair.  I don't think even moving out will fix it.  She acts as if I like living here.  As if this was by choice.  As if we are doing this just to make her miserable.  Hate to break it to ya.... I hate it too.  While I am grateful.  I hate it.  It's ruined my family.  It's put unnecessary stress on my marriage.  I'm sure somehow it has affected my daughter because of how stressed we all are.  Trust me, it's not where I want to be.  Somehow, some way... this is for a reason.  What that reason is... I am not sure.  I am so frustrated.  AHHHHH

 

Here are a couple pics from Charli....

 Charli before Uncle Erick's wedding

 Grandma got her to smile while Grandpa held her :)

 waiting for the wedding to start!

 trying to get a good picture... instead she got Daddy good ;)

 falling asleep at the table...

 passed out..... in the middle of the reception!

stupid boy.

We will leave the title as is.

I'm feeling a little angsty right now.  Ok, a little is an understatement.  I've cried ALL day long.  I have quite the migraine to prove it.  A lot of stress about the housing situation.  I won't go into it though.  It's a private situation but ARGH.  

I hate post partum.  Endofstory.  It's a bitch.  Even more so when you aren't doing ANYTHING about it.  I don't know if now that I am a year post partum, now it's just depression or what.  But I don't even have motivation to get help.  Why should I.  I don't have support behind me.  That is one of the biggest things they tell you to have, a support system.  My living situation, while we are grateful for it... is very stressful.  It's so tense that I can't ask for the support.  I have asked for it and I don't get the emotional support I need.  Sometimes all I want is a damn hug from my Mommy.  Just like Mommy-kisses make all better, so do Mommy-hugs.  AHHHHHHH.  

More and more I end up wishing we'd stayed in Texas.  As much as I wanted to be closer to family... all this move did was strain relationships except with Aaron's parents.  I have a feeling that is more strained than I realize too.  I don't think they will ever fully accept me.  But that's ok.  I've tried more than they will EVER know.  I mean, things are good with them.  We get along... but I still always have that feeling that if we didn't have Charli.... but they love their son and their granddaughter more than words can explain... that is truly all that matters.  

I'm just an emotional weepy gross mess today.  I probably shouldn't blog.  It could be bad.  I'll leave you with some pictures instead.

 Charli had spaghetti and meatballs

 so cute.

 I couldn't handle any more than this...

BATHTIME

so... about that....

Ahhh I have been trying so hard to get some work done on my latest venture.  But lately Charli won't even let me out of her sight let alone allow me the time to work on any crafts.  I have wanted to get something like this started since I was pregnant with her!  I ordered a bunch more stuff and should get it in soon :)  I am going to have to take some days when Aaron is home to just focus on making some products.  Maybe I should just really see how Aaron's Mom would be with taking Charli for a day here and there.  I just always feel so bad because she is so clingy (Charli) and fussy for others.  I don't want to stress anyone else out.  Although, it could also greatly help with that.  Charli doesn't even show any interest lately in her toys... just me.  It's kind-of overwhelming lately.  She will come to me and cry but then once I pick her up she flails and cries more.  More frustrating than anything has been yet with her.  

No matter how frustrating she can be... she is still my baby and I still love her to pieces.  I watched the Casey Anthony verdict today and bawled.  Even if she didn't actually murder her child... she had something to do with it.  Who in the hell lets their child go missing for 31 days before reporting it?  If my daughter is out of my sight for more than 5 seconds, I am looking for her!  AHHHH.  I'm just so disappointed all around in the verdict.  

Anyways, so Charli has finally figured out how to get down the landing at the bottom of the stairs.  We have a gate up on the landing for the actual stairs but have left it so she can get to the landing.  I've been working hard with her on teacher her to get down so that IF she ever gets to the stairs without supervision (highly unlikely) she can figure out how to get down instead of getting stuck and possibly falling.  I do get that she can still fall.  

My Mom came home today.  She had been gone since Friday morning.  Charli was all excited for seeing her.  It was super cute.  She babbled away and goofed off with her all night long.  She is too cute.  

Charli has figured out the concept of a fork and spoon and even uses them as properly as a one year old can.  It's quite exciting.  Except for the fact that there are already some foods that she doesn't seem to want to pick up, needs a fork haha.  So cute.  I love it.  

Well I am in the middle of Teen Mom so this post is becoming distracting ;)  I won't lie, I am addicted.  

Here are some pictures from Charli playing outside today!!!!

 with her new beach ball sprinkler!

 more interested in the bucket of water....

 oh wait, I found dirt....

oh HEYYYYY Momma :)

Happy Birthday America!!!!!!!

No walking yet.  I was really hoping she would at least be walking by 4th of July LOL.  Oh well.  She has a mind of her own for sure!  

Today is the day to be thankful for those who have given their lives for our freedom.  Or given their time for our freedom.  Thank you troops. 

So I have started my newest venture.  It has been quite an adventure so far.  I am going to be making and selling things for kids.  Bows, headbands, hair clips, tutus, lovey blankets, painted letters (maybe lol) and anything else I can eventually think of.  So far I have gotten a ton of supplies and started working on some.  I really need a time when Charli is asleep or someone is here and I'm not having to make food, clean or whatever LOL.  Once I make a stock of stuff, I'll be going online to Etsy to sell them!  I eventually want to build up enough stock to also do a booth at craft shows and what not.  So far it has been very therapeutic for me.  I hope it stays that way.  I am still doing a lot of learning!!!  I started making a tutu and almost sliced my finger off!  I wasn't fully paying attention when I was using my new rotary cutter to cut the tulle.  I just barely ran it over my finger but managed to slice it deep and almost all the way around my finger!!!!  A lot of the tutorials online are for using hot glue to make bows or tying the tulle onto a waistband.  I am trying to figure out ways to make sure they are sewn so that they are more durable!  I want to make sure my products are good quality!

Alright well this is a short update, I need to get everything ready and together so Charli and I can hit up Baker Park for Fourth of July festivities tonight :)