Three weeks of hell. Hell that has helped me lose 18 pounds so far! I miss food. I am struggling with not having variety. I am STILL not understanding why all of their food has aspartame in it. Frustrates me…
As of last Sunday, I had lost 16 pounds. So, when we went to my family reunion… I decided I was going to stray from my diet but keep my portions tiny and TRY to stay within a normal calorie limit. (I am eating 600 calories a day now and normal is about 1200). I did VERY good and LOVED eating different foods! I even had a latte… that being said, I was planning on sticking to my diet starting Monday again. No straying. I planned on getting back into walking since I hadn’t been able to do much from my super low BP. Fast forward a week… I still haven’t been able to really do much walking… I have tried to make it a point to go up and down my stairs as often as possible in my house. My blood pressure is still pretty low. It’s definitely giving me a run for my money. I dealt with it when I was pregnant, but I was able to stabilize it and get used to it. This time, it's all over the place. One day its normal, the next its super low. So I am struggling. I try to do what I can though. Cleaning, painting, running up and down the stairs…
I miss food. I will have ONE bite of something Aaron has or even what Charli has to try to satisfy my want for different food. USUALLY it helps. The past few days…. it hasn’t been helping. I am dreaming about searching for food and eating it. I am dreaming about finding a bathroom and then peeing (shockingly, I haven’t woken up wet….). They told me that even though I am drinking 3 liters of water a day (they suggest 2 and no more than 3-4) my numbers are saying I need more. So on Thursday I tried to drink 4 liters. I was literally CRYING at the end of the night trying to finish drinking that much. It was making me so nauseous. I decided it wasn’t for me. Those numbers can stay how they are… 4 liters of water a day are ridiculous. I tried. It was making me feel sick.
Today and yesterday… I’ve been a raging psycho crazy bitch. I want food. I am wanting to eat people’s arms off. I don’t understand how people can do this. I am hoping I am able to keep doing this and meet my goal and then just do the nutritional counseling. I am finding myself wanting to sneak snacks and hide food. I don’t want to be that person. I see a difference. Everyone else is mentioning the difference. I am able to wear clothes I haven’t been able to wear in a LOOOOONG time. I am hoping this will keep me on the right path. In group they tell you it gets easier, even the others in the program further than me. For me, it’s getting harder and harder.
Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel…… every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment