It's a new day....

So, a lot has changed since my last post.  It's only been a week.  Life can change quickly. 

After my last post, I had a friend contact me and let me know they were concerned for me and that they were there for me.  They let me know that it sounded like I was suffering from postpartum depression.  After going over personal experiences back and forth and chatting with Aaron.  We decided it was time for me to visit the doctor.  I went so back and forth with the decision.  Without going to the doctor, I am still able to keep myself together for Charli (and Noah when we watch him) and shield her from my pain and upsetness.  I felt like I was an unfit mother just by agreeing to make an appt.  I've never felt that way about depression or anxiety before.  I have history of both.  I think because of comments from someone close to me, I was scared to death to admit I needed the help.  I have amazing support in the actual taking care of Charli.  For that I am forever grateful.  But when it comes to the support in having my back and being there for me... it is greatly lacking from some people closest to me.  They made me feel like I should never admit I need help because I am a bad mom.  After talking more to my friend and my husband, I finally realized that in order to be the best mom that I can be, I need to address my issues before they get too out of control.  So without further adieu... I am now on meds and will be going to counseling probably.  The doctor did say that I had a good grip on everything considering I was somehow able to pull together for Charli (and watching Noah) with no problem.  And being able to handle a fussy baby with only having EVER had like 3 breakdowns where I bawled along side her.  So within the next few weeks things should be more back to normal.  I will finally be able to feel like me again.  I'll be able to be the best damn mommy Charli could ever imagine. 

With all of this, it means I need to apologize to a lot of people.  I have completely shut out some people from my life because I just couldn't handle listening to them at that time when I was so out of control in my own head.  Apologies are definitely in order.  I need to learn to be a better friend.  If I have friends who can reach out to me when they have such crazy  busy lives themselves, I need to learn how to be better for my friends.  To let them know that I am always here.  

Anyways, enough with the sad posts.  There is light at the end of the tunnel right now.  I am on the mend.  Please bear with me through this process.  Especially my husband ;)